The Man Who Changed Me

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"The Man Who Changed Me"

The man I fell in love with
A few years ago, I would have screamed,
No! Not my kind.

I would have said,
"No way. He’s too old for me.
We could never be right for each other."

But now, you consume 50% of my thoughts.
Your absence locks me down,
Leaves me still, frozen in time.

Loving you came easy
Only when the curtains had closed our chapter.
I seemed fine walking away,
Yet the memories we built
Haunt my peace, chase my reality.

A few years ago,
I would have chosen a man from my books,
A fairytale kind of love
But you?
You were never in the story I imagined.

Marriage was never my dream,
Even when we spoke of it.
I was never supposed to be the girl
Who longed to go home to Mama.
But you changed that.
You changed me.
And now, I ache only for you.

You knew I never judged,
Never wanted to judge others for their choices.
You knew I was scared,
Young, naïve
Desperate to be grown,
Desperate to make my own decisions.
Yet those very choices led me
To this place of regret… and growth.

You knew I was simple,
Craving a simple life.
I was stubborn, yes,
And so were you.
I was hard to reach,
But only because I feared
You would see how much I was a sheep for you.

It’s too late now.
I can’t tell you any of this,
But I needed to let it out.

To the man who changed my perspective
The older me sees a beauty
Only my heart understands.

A part of me fights to be independent,
Yet my heart still warms at the thought of you.
The war inside has raged,
Leaving me exhausted
And I guess my heart has won.

Sometimes, I wonder why my body longs,
Why, whenever I try to love another,
I bring them back to you.

My mind says we are fine without you,
But my heart won’t stop hurting,
Won’t stop wanting you.

My mind says it’s okay,
But why does karma’s gift hurt this much?

Like a virus, wanting you
Eats away at my immunity.

Sometimes, I want to curse my younger self.
Sometimes, I want to worship her recklessness.
And I wonder
What does the older us think?

Because seeing us now,
Lying helpless in ICU,
Really makes me wonder.

You remain my best and worst memory.

Driving in your silence,
I want to scream,
To ask why we weren’t handed the memo
Before I gave in to you.



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