The Friend I Never Chose

ANGER

One time, I saw you with your friends,

accompanied by those random girls you toyed with.

I wasn’t alone either, and you knew we’d just get drunk.

But that’s what you hate most about me.

And there you were,

holding another girl by the waist

Saying more with that than words ever could.

I was upset. My friends pulled me away.

We never said good night.

Your team was playing that night,

But I couldn’t sleep

while everyone else drowned in liquor.

I slipped into my friend’s closet,

thinking of how to punish you.

So I popped the pills.

The saddest thing that night?

They found me before the knockout.

So they saved you, I guess

from being haunted.

FEAR

You stopped talking to me.

Stopped picking up my calls

You knew how much that kills me.

But you did it anyway.

You lived like I was already history.

So I got drunker.

Sleep became a stranger,

nightmares came in your voice.

So I stayed out longer, drinking deeper.

Even the cat's cry scared me.

The wind's howl sent me diving beneath my pillow.

Now you know why

my pillows are bigger than my bed.

ANXIETY

The heartbeat returns

That wild, pounding race in my chest.

The same one that once brought me to you.

But this time, it’s different.

Now it’s led by fear

The kind that locks you in.

Danger’s footsteps crept closer,

and my heart nearly tore through its cage.

I was numb.

Then came death kindly,

offering to carry the pain.

The only friend

Who saw me

and knew I needed help.

HOPE

I found hope

And wondered why people fear death

When it’s the only truth that keeps a promise.

He showed me time, told me that living is the burden.

But he brings rest

The only way to stop you and time from hurting me.

He showed me how memories

will fall like autumn leaves.

He said I’d find power only when I stop time.

He held my aching heart, and I felt nothing.

I forgot everything.

He led me to a garden,

blooming with my deepest desires,

where Mother Nature stands in glory.

He is the friend I’ve waited for

all my life.