Between the Smoke and Laughter

 I remember tall trees.

Abandon streets that parents feared would one day kill us

Someone was carrying me on their back

There were loud drumsticks, like thunder, around us, but far away

I barely remember, but I remembered some group of men in uniform

They stopped us several times to ask questions and told the people with me to hurry

We arrived at the safe place.

Colored people were living there, too.

My family was there too, with grannies, aunts, and cousins

Everyone wanted to carry me cause I was almost two and the only baby to be carried

Both family and missionaries loved the chubby little girl a mists the heart of war

They say children bring happiness, and I sure did to families living in that compound then.

I had no clue what caused us to leave our house.

But we stayed in the missionary compound for a while before returning home.

At home, everything went back to normal, and I grew up

The woman who carried me on her back was my grandma

And later, she passed in 2003, and then I had a baby sister

who looked like me,

Time flew

One morning, my siblings and I were set for school.

And I was very picky with food, so Mama gave me 50 boxes to get Akara before we went to school

Running out to get my breakfast, I bumped into a neighbor

He usually calls me mama, so I apologies

He asked where I was heading, dressed in my uniforms

that’s a dumb question to ask

Cause it’s a school day, and everyone knows that

He wasn’t happy seeing me, so he asked if my dad was home.

I am 8 years old now and quite a handful.

And I hoped he wasn’t going to report me for joining my friends to tease an older boy who was overweight for a teenager but also a bully.

So I follow behind him and hide, waiting for him to spill the beans.

-He called for my dad, and both my parent came outside to greet him

He asked them why they were letting us go to school

My dad replied that schools were in session, so we were going

He then asked my older brothers to calm the fence and check

And so I ran after them to check with them what it was

There, we saw thick clouds of smoke coming from the market. Mama went to buy us Christmas clothes.

My oldest brother turned to the adults and said the main market was on fire.

Uncle Igwe told my parents that it was a crisis, that shops were being burned, and that people were turning against each other in town.

And so the Igbo called themselves and told each other not to go to their shops.

Mommy said we should change and stay home that the state is no longer safe

We did as we were told, and I asked if I could run and get my Akara

Mommy said yes, and she asked that I should be quick about it

I ran out the gate quickly and dashed into the next house to check if my friends were going to school, but they had left for school already.

I went back on my errand and waited for the woman selling to put mine in since there were always queues at the Koko joint in the mornings.

I saw a truck with military men filled inside heading towards us from Hill Station Hotel towards Anguwa Gada, which is my area.

I guess the adults around didn’t pay attention to the battalion approaching because they were all engrossed in the crisis rumors of possible killings and the possibility it wouldn’t be resolved before dawn.  

They also didn’t see the soldiers already jumping out of their trucks and heading toward us.

The first person among the adults to see them caused a panic

Suddenly, everyone was running for dear life, not minding if bodies dropped and souls ran alone

The woman frying also took off with a hot frying pan in hand

that’s crazy because she could burn her hands, and the burning oil could spill on her

but no one knew that cause Adrenalin kicked in

I was mad that the lady took off without giving me the Akara, so I joined a group of people running toward my house.

We didn’t reach through cause the green boys were beating people, so we had to hide in neighbors' houses.

After the soldiers left, everyone slipped out and ran to the comfort of their homes.

I was still peeping through the holes in the gates, and I saw my two friends coming.

They were back, so I pushed the gate open to let them in, I was happy to see them untouched.

They told me they went to school, and lots of children did, but were asked to return home due to violence around

And so they did, thinking about it now makes me wonder how many children returned home safely that day.

Only God knows

Outside looked unkind, so I ran home quickly and told my friends I would be by the fence so we could see what was happening outside.

I told my mom what had happened and that my Chukudi and Chikuemaka were back from school.

Things in town weren't cooling down cause gunshots were piercing through the morning and stretching into the afternoon.

Mama called us all to pray while Daddy went out to check how bad it was outside.

My younger sister never left my mom's side she was terrified by the chaos.

My dad asked my brothers to turn on the news so he could learn more about the situation.

But our channels were all playing Christian songs.

My oldest brother had turned 19 then, so he was allowed to do some things, and then he went out with some other guys like him around the neighborhood.

Daddy also went out again with other men, and Mama joined other women outside the house who had little and false information about the happenings.

My sister was still glued to my mom, so quickly I ran to my neighbors whose mom and my mom and other moms were gathered.

We, the kids, played and wondered what crisis means

We were so happy it was happening cause everyone was home, which meant double mischief.   

It was noon, and there weren’t signs everything was calming down

And the youth around began to boil like lava due to whatever news they had

My twin friends and I sat on the fence looking at the young adults break red bricks and mask their faces

We called them heroes and cheered while our mothers ran after them, crying and begging them to stay home.

Only if we knew why our mothers were crying for

Fathers didn’t say a thing

They looked with no expression written on their faces

We got tired of sitting idly, so we headed out to meet other kids who were clueless like us

Reaching the gate, mothers sat on a wooden bench by the veranda, waiting and hoping for God to intervene in whatever was happening around us

Fathers watch while some sit far from the comfort of home, I guess they are watching for safety

While we were trying to sneak out of the house

We were greeted by a fatal sight in trucks

And it hit us that outside is dangerous cause

Three trucks speed off with bodies oozing blood like tap

Freaking me to start crying immediately   

It took our mother's fraction to pick the terror melodies, too

I guess I reminded them of our brothers, their sons who took off in anger to support the violence.

Being a child was beautiful and peaceful

I never understood why people cry when they lose someone

But I did cry whenever I saw an insect or animal killed or crushed

I will innocently pray to God to accept their soul, and then I bury them

The terror that hunted my mind is incurable

It reaps me of my innocence, making me understand it all

Being a child is a gift to humanity

I understood nothing before

Cause I am interested only in things that concern me and my surrounding

After a while of playing and trying to forget it all

While mothers sit while waiting for news from fathers who watch like watchmen

Another group of angry youth from places we only heard about when parents talk about arrived carrying a lot of  harmful tools enough to send any human to eternal sleep

Causing everyone to scatter like a glass contact on a hard surface

But like the bees on a mission, the pass swarm away

We found out that they just hunting down Muslims living around us

But first, they are going for the big fish before heading back to our area

So our parents quickly ran and alerted them and hid them since they are not much and their kids, who have been our friends ever since we were born, played in our compound

At that point, I had no idea what that was

But later, we understood that our parents were protecting our brothers and sisters who don’t attend church like us.

We loved ourselves as kids, though adulthood stole that from us

The crisis took more than we know cause our parents prayed for it to end

Families cried for months, years before they let go

And let their loved ones sleep peacefully.

Mommy kept saying things would be fine and get better

Daddy said they would make things better, but the news we watched wasn’t telling the truth

I wish I had superpowers to tell the world what was wrong, but I soon learned that I had to filter whatever I let out.

I grew up and had to learn to keep everyone at arm's length

And fear the unknown and cry for people I care about cause life happen

Friends I once thought I couldn't do without are now strangers to me

Everything is now different from what I used to know

People don’t care anymore

Sometimes, I wish I was a kid again

Everything was simple, but now, I have feelings and everything

Somethings I can't own up to cause they are dam ass  

I wish my innocence could be returned

the once beautiful stories we were told never came to live

the market, the friendship, and the life around us change and are never the same

Crisis still happens, and I wish the first one had not happened.

Parents are tired of crying.

And so are we tired of waiting for the past to rewrite itself